I spent the entire half of my morning crying for superficial reasons like 1) how I really hate the henna on my hands (also not helping that I am having a throbbing headache and puked water since I haven’t eaten anything because I have zero appetite and all because of the smell of the henna), 2) I don’t like my bridal bouquet and I should have gotten fresh flowers but a lot of factors were stopping me but if I knew it was gonna make me cry like this, I’d have gotten all the fresh flowers I could, 3) I realise I can’t stand my nikah dress because it’s not me, it’s not worth the money, it’s so unflattering, it’s seriously not worth the money lah I have to repeat this twice. So.. I don’t know. All these three things will come together tomorrow morning for my solemnisation and I pray it won’t show on my face.

Maybe I’m just stressed right? I haven’t been at all this entire journey of wedding planning and suddenly today, of all days, I decided to burst out crying snapping at everyone sampai muntah muntah. And maybe it’s just pms and it’s making me super emotional?

Please pray for me that this weekend I’ll be okay and relaxed and tak mengada-ngada sangat



I’ve been typing and backspacing, typing and backspacing.

Wasn’t it just yesterday when it was 300+ days away to the wedding, to me getting married? And we’re now just five days away?

I have been so stressed at work because I am now left with tomorrow and Wednesday to clear as much things as possible before I go for my two weeks leave. But at the same time I just want to f it and go. My colleagues from other departments have been the sweetest now that I’m only days away. I wish I had invited them haha I mean I guess I still could but macam kurang ajar lah pulak lagi lima hari nak kahwin baru nak jemput tak ke macam siak tu

My period is still not here. I was telling myself ni kalau tak datang by Wednesday then good luck ah honeymoon kat beach but I forgot I made my spa appointment on Thursday so pls ah favour datang Thursday petang lepas balik spa :(((( Speaking of spa I had my first sugaring experience last Friday and I PROMISE NOT TO GO AGAIN OMG. Menyesal rabak okay maybe I’m just sensitive maybe it’s the four month old sugarist but I think it’s the latter ugh tak nak kangkang depan orang lagi ape lah aku buat ni

It hasn’t sunk in me yet that I’m going to be someone’s wife. In my head right now I’m just so excited to see my families gathering this week. Today I came home from work to my aunts and uncle putting up the curtain behind my bed and though it’s not really my style (haha), I’m loving it so much. Everyone’s putting in so much of their time and effort (and money) to make me happy and ya Allah I am so blessed. I love my family so much I want to cry and it’s not even my wedding day yet

Tentage will be up on Wednesday so Y can start putting up the decor on Thursday so pls lah jangan ada cina mati plssssss

-17: last two weekends


  • Nikah outfit

We collected our baju nikah last Saturday and it turned out exactly as how he designed… which is not to my liking ahahaha. It was just two months ago when I wanted this design and when I tried it on, I was like ape ni?? Maybe it’s just my body, maybe I wasn’t properly trying it on, maybe I’ll look hundred times nicer with better makeup and matching tudung/veil. BUT I’m so happy with how Ghibli’s baju turned out. I heard horror stories so I was more worried for his than mine but I’m pleasantly surprised! The color looks good on him, it looks so tailored and fitting, we’ve got a nice matching samping so yay! So glad I don’t have to deal with this anymore.

  • Kids berkat

On Sunday we got some tidbits for kids berkat. Nothing special, I really just wanted to make use of the colorful paper bags and stickers I got from Aliexpress. $66 worth of four different items to fit at most 144 bags.. okay lah kan. And all paid for by my father so lagi lah okay 🙊🙈

  • Catering

Also on Sunday we had a meeting with my aunt (the wedding planner) again to finalize the menu. It’ll still be nasi padang and I’m so looking forward to this now. I’m a bit sick of the usual nasi minyak + ayam masak merah + daging dalca menu so hopefully guests will find this refreshing. But there won’t be sambal goreng pengantin because tak kena dengan menu so a bit sedih lah cos favourite seh tu. Then she also suggested replacing the coffee/tea with a live teh tarik. Exciting times ahead. Air balang 10 macam lah, ice kacang lah.. don’t know how all these will fit into that small tentage area. But she’s so confident so okay lah.

  • Decor

I talked to Y (the one in charge of decor)  and he wanted me to send him like 10 pictures of dais that I like but I didn’t have any and also didn’t care so I left everything to him. I like his work it’s not too bad for someone new so other than telling him my my mother’s favourite color scheme, I’ll let him decide how he wants it to be. Tak fair jugak to him if I show pictures of Jentayu/SID when he cannot re-create those designs.

  • Music playlist

On and off I’ve been trying to create a wedding playlist and throughout the entire time I’m like, “do my guests know this song?” and if no then they don’t make the cut. Which results in a playlist consisting of 80% malay songs. My mother also went, “adik… hari tu kan.. ibu pergi pengantin then dia asik main lagu arab tau! Sedap lah dengar teringat time kat Mekah. Nanti adik main lagu arab okay!” So now I have a hell lot of Nancy Ajram in my playlist. I don’t know if guests know but if it makes my mom happy then have all the Nancy Ajrams in the world k mother.

  • Miscellaneous

My remaining 17 days will be packed with settling little things like getting my artificial bridal bouquet, capal for him, facial and hair appointment. Half days on Monday and Friday next week for my bridal fitting (who forgot all about me and thought the appointment date was already set) and sugaring appointment. So nervous for the latter hehe. Left with photographer, kompang and photobooth. Shall contact them next week confirm all forgot about me already also lah.

My mom has been helping me painting the room these few days. I’m hoping to have all furniture nicely placed including the new bed which will arrive next Monday. Then I can start organizing my things hehee SO excited to have my own room.. for whatever days left remained.

Yay yay dah nak kahwin!!

-30: sodium x magnesium

Everything is suddenly speeding up.

I haven’t distributed the wedding cards to my friends/colleagues. I haven’t started anything on the room (but I guess that’s because my brother and his wife are still not moving out). I haven’t followed up anything with my vendors (video, photo, bridal, decor, kompang) and I don’t know if I should or just wait for them. I haven’t chosen any appropriate songs for our wedding and for our video.

I’m at this stage where I don’t care anymore and I’ll just let things happen as it is. I have spent the past one year planning for this wedding and as I’m getting nearer to the date, I’m less enthusiastic about it. I don’t even know if I’m excited for our honeymoon. My period tracker app says I’ll be getting my period two days before the wedding and I was contemplating on taking pills to delay but I’m just like f it lah. But I’m weirdly looking forward to that in between time we have together, the Monday-Tuesday before we fly for our funtime on Wednesday. The thought of walking hand in hand running our errands with heavy henna on my hands and wedding rings on our fingers is making me giddy hehe.

I have been with him for 4 years and 5 months today. It’s crazy to think how all the time spent laughing, fighting, crying these past years is leading up to this. And in a month’s time things will change and it’s only the beginning of everything.

I’m listening to Jason Mraz’s Details in The Fabric as I’m typing this and I’m getting very emotional. But in the words of James Morrison, “and everything will be fine”.

-46: amah-amah pengantin

I came to work today without my laptop. I only realised when I was already at Raffles Place (I work at Tiong Bahru) and I wanted to cry because how am I supposed to do my work right??? Found out my colleague is on leave today so I borrowed her desktop but my work’s restricted because I don’t remember my passwords. So, so sian. Of all days, the day where I am so gung-ho to do my work and this happens. Down, I asked forced my two male colleagues to have lunch at Seah Im food centre to get my Thaksin beef noodle and I got it!! So now I’m okay again and here I am. I also realise I have about 30 working days (not including all the time-offs/leave I’m gonna take for my wedding appointments) before I go for my marriage/honeymoon leave awhhhh yeahhhh~

Processed with VSCO with hb1 preset

SO ANYWAY need to pen this down so I’ll remember forever. Something happened two days ago on Sunday! The girls threw me something I never thought I’d have… a party to remind me I’ll be stuck to the same penis forever hahahah ish.

A month ago R said she got some vouchers for free trial sessions at Karva and coincidentally (or not idk now) I was planning to get a full mani/pedi and since this is free I was like YES PLS I WANT. The day came and the three (N/R and I) of us had lunch and went for our appointment at 3pm. Two (S/L) were working (LIARS and I forgot it was a Sunday so I stupidly believed they were working) so we were waiting for them to have dinner together. We were done in two hours, walked around, then L texted she was at the airport sending her friend off and asked if we could have dinner at Changi City Point. I said yes because suddenly terpikir pasal Bagus foodcourt and their fried kway teow. I wanted to take the train but N/R wanted to uber there (I wasn’t suspecting anything because they uber/grab everywhere). We three sat at the back with me in the middle (again I wasn’t suspecting anything because I am just nonchalant/bengap lah eh by nature). We were at ECP when suddenly N took my phone.. and my hands.. and R went “I’m sorry K but I have to do this….” and proceeded to blindfold me (so so tight I swear my eyeballs rolled to the back of my head k) and tied my hands and I was just like…. what….the…..fcuk…………

Long story short, I opened the blindfold and the first thing I saw was the “SAME PENIS FOREVER” balloons and I turned to see all four of them behind the food table. And then I (almost) cried a river because…. asal aku bodoh sangat tak suspect a single thing at all?????? I was so, so touched. By this time I still didn’t even know I was in a hotel room hahaha I thought it was a nice space they rented that was equipped with television, microwave and washing machine since I didn’t see any bed/bathroom (which was behind the closed door). Ye aku dah cakap aku bengap.

Had the time of my life with the girls spending the entire night laughing eating dancing and playing cards against humanity which I am now the master of. I kept pressing them to share with me how they had planned for the entire day but bitches kept mum about it. I was only told they were so many red flags but it was so successful??? Or am I really that blur???? Also found out there were no free trials at Karva :’) S/L had no work. R/N were late for lunch because they were helping to set up the place. I basically got played. Had to take urgent leave the next day so I could sleep over.

I’m bringing them out for lunch this Saturday to gift them the matching fabrics and discuss itinerary. Most would have both bridesmaids and groomsmen meet at this stage but I don’t think we’ll be having it. Not sure if it’s okay? Should I leave this to my fiance to settle? Honestly lately it feels like I’m planning everything and he’s just making a special guest appearance haha 😦

Less than 50 days now. Don’t even know what else I need to settle.



“If you’re planning your wedding right now, please just close the magazine. Log out of Pinterest. And look at the person you want to grow old with. Remind yourself of why you’re doing this. And really CELEBRATE when that day comes. Don’t stress about your shoes or your cake or your flowers. Don’t stress about anything. When it’s all over, you will be married, and surrounded by the people who know you and love you most in the whole wide world.” – Resolution by Anne Simone

(Photo credit: Weddings by Qay)

-59: Dua bulan lagi!


(Photo credit: Sham.sydar A.ni)

Two days ago was our first year anniversary of being engaged! And in exactly two months this time we’ll be done with everything, packing for our honeymoon and can finally put this all aside but right now I can’t so here’s a lengthy update on three main things.

Wedding card: All 600 arrived yesterday but the guy got the design completely wrong. Same color scheme but it’s not what I asked for. I’ve been liaising with him but on the day when I went over to his place to choose the design, I liaised with his wife and I suspect she had written the card code wrong. What’s ridiculous is that he knew which design I’ve been talking about when he’s doing the drafts yet he settled with what his wife had written. I’m not blaming the wife lah but.. ape ni..

My aunt (the caterer/planner who works with this guy since the card booking is part of her package) is upset that this happened and wanted him to reprint everything for me. I said no lah of course. Am I upset? Obviously lah. I was outside when my aunt came to deliver the cards and my mom sent me a picture and I was like wait….. what….. no….

Ikutkan hati nak je dia reprint cos I don’t know if he’s apologetic about it like he didn’t even text me to say sorry about the mix up. But the content is correct and it’s just the front design yang lain which doesn’t look too bad lah actually. Just that it’s not what I initially wanted so adalah terkilan sikit. I’ll just let this go lah. With this my wedding card is settled so yay I guess.

Henna: The (only) henna artist that I want since April went mia after ramadan for more than a month so I couldn’t book a slot (she said she’d only open in July but mia) so I was just waiting and waiting. She suddenly had a booth last two weekends and I was ecstatic okay and super kancheong so I made Ghibli drive me there to book her for my wedding…. only to find out that she’ll be overseas on my wedding week. I was just like …wtf but haha it’s not her fault lah obviously. But if you had replied my emails I could have used the time to source for alternatives you know? Haha whatever lah.

So I did just the past two weeks and they are either not free or I don’t like their works (i.e. super dark/black cappings). The one who fits the bill now decided to not reply my email from two weeks ago despite me sending two follow ups. Again I’ll just wait until she suddenly tells me she’s not available so I have an excuse to punch myself in the face. In the end kalau tak ada then I’ll just go henna-less lah. Tak payah nak susah susah makan panadol pasal pening sangat dengan bau dia sampai muntah muntah.. which happened to me when I got mine done at the booth.

Decor: Again this falls under my aunt but the guy has his own decor company so he’s pretty legit and I’m not worried. We met up two weeks ago and I thought we’d be discussing the color etc but it was just to discuss where goes what. It’ll be a completely different set up from my brother’s wedding last October in terms of where the food will be, having an extra tentage for the pelamin, using only half of the void deck so it’s gonna be cramp af with guests and tables.

He said we’ll only be discussing the decor itself next month after he’s settled with his upcoming events. I don’t think I’m so particular about this. I know the color scheme that I want and it’s all something that he’s done before so I leave it to him cos I know he’s gonna pull it off. I don’t have a moodboard up on my pinterest because it’s just gonna sakitkan hati when reality doesn’t match up with my expectations. Like my wedding cards ahahhahais

I should be done settling the photobooth matters this week, stamping my wedding envelopes this weekend because I finally received my customised rubber stamp yay, finalise the itinerary (tak abis abis seh ni dari start of the year lagi)… and I think that’s all for this month. Everything else I will dump to next month to settle!!